The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
