Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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