And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
