i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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