My balls are so social today.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
