I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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