i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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