so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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