So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
