Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
