the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
