How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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