so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
