arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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