I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
