i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Welp...herpes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
did i walk over a car last night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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