just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
