pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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