just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
