i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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