The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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