Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
