if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
