ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
