she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
