Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
