There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
