tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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