I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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