8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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