On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
