You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
