my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
