look no pants
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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