we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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