Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
