I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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