Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you had me at cake vodka
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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