Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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