somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize