everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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