U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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