you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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