i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
