I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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