Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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