Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
