a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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