Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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