I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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