I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
