Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
