omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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