she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
