Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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