I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
