I just cut my nipple shaving
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
