Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize