U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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