Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
