I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
