Banned from zoo.
Again?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
