maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
