those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
