the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
