i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
