pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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