I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
